Some days I have no idea what I’m doing. I try to be a decent mother, wife, woman, but I’m not always sure how. Take my son — great kid. Handsome. Talented. About as interested in scholastics as my left shoe. And I want great stuff for him. I want him to have options. To make the best of his opportunities. But the thing is, I can’t MAKE him want what I want for him. It was easier when the children were little. They accepted my values for them as their own. Eat this. Sit here. Wear this. Read that. Ahh, the good old days! But sometimes, like now, I’m at a loss. I think I know what’s best for them. But what if I’m wrong? Then again, what if I’m right? Sigh. So I keep pushing. Okay, nagging. Reminding him of homework. Checking on class attendance. Pushing him to complete chores. It is not fun. But it’s still my job.
It reminds a little of the 5k I just completed (yes — I was coming around to that!) I was a little intimidated at first. All those folk who were lean and ready just waiting to run off at the starting line. I was trying to stay near the back to keep out of the runner’s way. And off they went, surging around me, ahead of me. But I kept a steady pace and soon I found my niche. There were a couple of older guys walking ahead of me and 3 women right behind me. I decided not to let the women behind me pass me! So I kept moving, pushing myself a bit. Feeling the pull in my muscles as I determined to keep position. And after a while I stopped worrying about who was ahead or behind, and just kept moving. A step at a time. And I finished in 50 minutes, 53 seconds. No awards there, but a little faster than my practice walks and it felt great! I just kept going. Just kept doing what I needed to do. And so I will. Step by Step. Nag by nag. Push by push.